London - Take a tour

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With a population of just under eight million, London is Europe's largest city, spreading across an area of more than 620 square miles from its core on the River Thames. Ethnically it's also Europe's most diverse metropolis: around two hundred languages are spoken within its confines, and more than thirty percent of the population is made up of first-, second- and third-generation immigrants.



Despite Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish devolution, London still dominates the national horizon, too: this is where the country's news and money are made, it's where the central government resides and, as far as its inhabitants are concerned, provincial life begins beyond the circuit of the city's orbital motorway. Londoners' sense of superiority causes enormous resentment in the regions, yet it's undeniable that the capital has a unique aura of excitement and success – in most walks of British life, if you want to get on you've got to do it in London.

For the visitor, too, London is a thrilling place – and in the last few years, the city has been in a relatively buoyant mood. Thanks to the national lottery and the millennium-oriented funding frenzy, virtually every one of London's world-class museums, galleries and institutions has been reinvented, from the Royal Opera House to the British Museum. In the Tate Modern and the London Eye, the city can now boast the world's largest modern art gallery and Ferris wheel, and the first new bridge to cross the Thames for over a hundred years. Furthermore, following sixteen years of being the only major city in the world not to have its own governing body, London finally acquired its own elected assembly in 2000, along with a mayor who's determined to try and solve one of London's biggest problems: transport.

In the meantime, London's traditional sights – Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace, St Paul's Cathedral and the Tower of London – continue to draw in millions of tourists every year. Monuments from the capital's more glorious past are everywhere to be seen, from medieval banqueting halls and the great churches of Christopher Wren to the eclectic Victorian architecture of the triumphalist British Empire. There is also much enjoyment to be had from the city's quiet Georgian squares, the narrow alleyways of the City of London, the riverside walks, and the quirks of what is still identifiably a collection of villages. And even London's traffic problems are offset by surprisingly large expanses of greenery: Hyde Park, Green Park and St James's Park are all within a few minutes' walk of the West End, while, further afield, you can enjoy the more expansive countryside of Hampstead Heath and Richmond Park.

You could spend days just shopping in London, too, mixing with the upper classes in the tiara triangle around Harrods, or sampling the offbeat weekend markets of Portobello Road, Camden and Greenwich. The music, clubbing and gay/lesbian scenes are second to none, and mainstream arts are no less exciting, with regular opportunities to catch brilliant theatre companies, dance troupes, exhibitions and opera. Restaurants, these days, are an attraction, too. London is now on a par with its European rivals, and offers a range from three-star Michelin establishments to low-cost, high-quality Chinese restaurants and Indian curry houses. Meanwhile, the city's pubs have heaps of atmosphere, especially away from the centre – and an exploration of the farther-flung communities is essential to get the complete picture of this dynamic metropolis.

Do narcissists have emotions?

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Of course they do. All humans have emotions. It is how we choose to relate to our emotions that matters. The narcissist tends to repress them so deeply that, for all practical purposes, they play no conscious role in his life and conduct, though they play an extraordinarily large unconscious role in determining both.

The narcissist's positive emotions come bundled with very negative ones. This is the outcome of frustration and the consequent transformations of aggression. This frustration is connected to the Primary Objects of the narcissist's childhood (parents and caregivers).

Instead of being provided with the unconditional love that he craved, the narcissist was subjected to totally unpredictable and inexplicable bouts of temper, rage, searing sentimentality, envy, prodding, infusion of guilt and other unhealthy parental emotions and behaviour patterns.

The narcissist reacted by retreating to his private world, where he is omnipotent and omniscient and, therefore, immune to such vicious vicissitudes. He stashed his vulnerable True Self in a deep mental cellar – and outwardly presented to the world a False Self.

But bundling is far easier than unbundling. The narcissist is unable to evoke positive feelings without provoking negative ones. Gradually, he becomes phobic: afraid to feel anything, lest it be accompanied by fearsome, guilt inducing, anxiety provoking, out of control emotional complements.

He is thus reduced to experiencing dull stirrings in his soul that he identifies to himself and to others as emotions. Even these are felt only in the presence of someone or something capable of providing the narcissist with his badly needed Narcissistic Supply.

Only when the narcissist is in the overvaluation (idealization) phase of his relationships, does he experience the convulsions that he calls "feelings". These are so transient and fake that they are easily replaced by rage, envy and devaluation. The narcissist really recreates the behaviour patterns of his less than ideal Primary Objects.

Deep inside, the narcissist knows that something is amiss. He does not empathise with other people's feelings. Actually, he holds them in contempt and ridicule. He cannot understand how people are so sentimental, so "irrational" (he identifies being rational with being cool headed and cold blooded).

Often the narcissist believes that other people are "faking it", merely aiming to achieve a goal. He is convinced that their "feelings" are grounded in ulterior, non-emotional, motives. He becomes suspicious, embarrassed, feels compelled to avoid emotion-tinged situations, or, worse, experiences surges of almost uncontrollable aggression in the presence of genuinely expressed sentiments. They remind him how imperfect and poorly equipped he is.

The weaker variety of narcissist tries to emulate and simulate "emotions" – or, at least their expression, the external facet (affect). They mimic and replicate the intricate pantomime that they learn to associate with the existence of feelings. But there are no real emotions there, no emotional correlate.

This is empty affect, devoid of emotion. This being so, the narcissist quickly tires of it, becomes impassive and begins to produce inappropriate affect (e.g., he remains indifferent when grief is the normal reaction). The narcissist subjects his feigned emotions to his cognition. He "decides" that it is appropriate to feel so and so. His "emotions" are invariably the result of analysis, goal setting and planning.

He substitutes "remembering" for "sensing". He relegates his bodily sensations, feelings and emotions to a kind of a memory vault. The short and medium-term memory is exclusively used to store his reactions to his (actual and potential) Narcissistic Supply Sources.

He reacts only to such sources. The narcissist finds it hard to remember or recreate what he ostensibly - though ostentatiously - "felt" (even a short while back) towards a Narcissistic Supply Source once it has ceased to be one. In his attempts to recall his feelings, he draws a mental blank.

It is not that narcissists are incapable of expressing what we would tend to classify as "extreme emotional reactions". They mourn and grieve, rage and smile, excessively "love" and "care". But this is precisely what sets them apart: this rapid movement from one emotional extreme to another and the fact that they never occupy the emotional middle ground.

The narcissist is especially "emotional" when weaned off his drug of Narcissistic Supply. Breaking a habit is always difficult – especially one that defines (and generates) oneself. Getting rid of an addiction is doubly taxing. The narcissist misidentifies these crises with an emotional depth and his self-conviction is so immense, that he mostly succeeds to delude his environment, as well. But a narcissistic crisis (losing a Source of Narcissistic Supply, obtaining an alternative one, moving from one Narcissistic Pathological Space to another) – must never be confused with the real thing, which the narcissist never experiences: emotions.

Many narcissists have "emotional resonance tables". They use words as others use algebraic signs: with meticulousness, with caution, with the precision of the artisan. They sculpt in words the fine tuned reverberations of pain and love and fear. It is the mathematics of emotional grammar, the geometry of the syntax of passions. Devoid of all emotions, narcissists closely monitor people's reactions and adjust their verbal choices accordingly, until their vocabulary resembles that of their listeners. This is as close as narcissists get to empathy.

To summarise, the emotional life of the narcissist is colourless and eventless, as rigidly blind as his disorder, as dead as he. He does feel rage and hurt and inordinate humiliation, envy and fear. These are very dominant, prevalent and recurrent hues in the canvass of his emotional existence. But there is nothing there except these atavistic gut reactions.

Whatever it is that the narcissist experiences as emotions – he experiences in reaction to slights and injuries, real or imagined. His emotions are all reactive, not active. He feels insulted – he sulks. He feels devalued – he rages. He feels ignored – he pouts. He feels humiliated – he lashes out. He feels threatened – he fears. He feels adored – he basks in glory. He is virulently envious of one and all.

The narcissist can appreciate beauty but in a cerebral, cold and "mathematical" way. Many have no mature, adult sex drive to speak of. Their emotional landscape is dim and grey, as though through a glass darkly.

Many narcissists can intelligently discuss those emotions never experienced by them – like empathy, or love – because they make it a point to read a lot and to communicate with people who claim to be experiencing them. Thus, they gradually construct working hypotheses as to what people feel. As far as the narcissist is concerned, it is pointless to try to really understand emotions – but at least these models he does form allow him to better predict people's behaviours and adjust to them.

Narcissists are not envious of others for having emotions. They disdain feelings and sentimental people because they find them to be weak and vulnerable and they deride human frailties and vulnerabilities. Such derision makes the narcissist feel superior and is probably the ossified remains of a defence mechanism gone awry.

Narcissists are afraid of pain. It is the pebble in their Indra's Net – lift it and the whole net moves. Their pains do not come isolated – they constitute families of anguish, tribes of hurt, whole races of agony. The narcissist cannot experience them separately – only collectively.

Narcissism is an effort to contain the ominous onslaught of stale negative emotions, repressed rage, a child's injuries.

Pathological narcissism is useful – this is why it is so resilient and resistant to change. When it is "invented" by the tormented individual, it enhances his functionality and makes life bearable for him. Because it is so successful, it attains religious dimensions – it become rigid, doctrinaire, automatic and ritualistic.

In other words, pathological narcissism becomes a PATTERN of behaviour. This rigidity is like an outer shell, an exoskeleton. It constrains the narcissist and limits him. It is often prohibitive and inhibitive. As a result, the narcissist is afraid to do certain things. He is injured or humiliated when forced to engage in certain activities. He reacts with rage when the mental edifice underlying his disorder is subjected to scrutiny and criticism – no matter how benign.

Narcissism is ridiculous. Narcissists are pompous, grandiose, repulsive and contradictory. There is a serious mismatch between who they really are, their true accomplishments, and how they regard themselves. The narcissist doesn't merely THINK that he is far superior to others. The perception of his superiority is ingrained in him, it is a part of his every mental cell, an all-pervasive sensation, an instinct and a drive.

He feels that he is entitled to special treatment and to outstanding consideration because he is such a unique specimen. He knows this to be true – the same way one knows that one is surrounded by air. It is an integral part of his identity. More integral to him than his body.

This opens a gap – rather, an abyss – between the narcissist and other humans. Because he considers himself so special and so superior, he has no way of knowing how it is to be human, neither the inclination to explore it. In other words, the narcissist cannot and will not empathise.

Can you empathise with an ant? Empathy implies identity or equality with the empathized, both abhorrent to the narcissist. And being perceived by the narcissist to be so inferior, people are reduced to cartoonish, two-dimensional representations of functions. They become instrumental, or useful, or functional, or entertaining, gratifying or infuriating, frustrating or accommodating objects – rather than loving or emotionally responsive.

It leads to ruthlessness and exploitativeness. Narcissists are not "evil" – actually, the narcissist considers himself to be a good person. Many narcissists help people, professionally, or voluntarily. But narcissists are indifferent. They couldn't care less. They help people because it is a way to secure attention, gratitude, adulation and admiration. And because it is the fastest and surest way to get rid of them and their incessant nagging.

The narcissist may realise these unpleasant truths cognitively – but there is no corresponding emotional reaction (emotional correlate) to this realisation. There is no resonance. It is like reading a boring users' manual pertaining to a computer you do not even own. There is no insight, no assimilation of these truths.

Still, to further insulate himself from the improbable possibility of confronting the gulf between reality and grandiose fantasy (the Grandiosity Gap) – the narcissist comes up with the most elaborate mental structure, replete with mechanisms, levers, switches and flickering alarm lights.

Narcissism Isolates the narcissist from the pain of facing reality and allows him to inhabit the fantasyland of ideal perfection and brilliance.

Feelings and politics

The politics behind telling you "how to feel"

Recent examples of how political authority under President George W. Bush demands feelings like patriotism or demands reverence for a narrow religious bias and concomitantly creates shame and fear of excommunication from power if you don't play along, have stunned many people. Such demands can only be made successfully under fear -- i.e. when we have been made or manipulated to feel afraid -- when fear is heightened in a group, we are more easily shamed into obedience. Disobediance is then portraied as jeopardizing the safety of all. Hitler knew about and used that psychological phenominon almost like a law of physics.
When we feel free and safe to 'feel what we feel', not necessarily to "act what we feel", but to receive, acknowledge and endevour to understand our feelings and their origin, we are stimulated to increase communication and understanding. Conversely, deception and the ensuing confusion and fear of punitive authority, force both communication and understanding to go underground... the hallmark of dictatorial regimes.
With this dictionary, we try to bring basic feelings back to basic situations -- no shoulds. There is no better way of doing this than to study very young children: how do they react to situations, what are their feelings informing them of ? and how do they express those feelings ?
When you read the feeling definitions, think of them as the gift of information that your body provides. How we act on this information is up to each individual in accordance with competence, knowledge, goals, courage, determination etc. But be aware that those who have an interest to lead you in the direction of their interest (politicians, priests, spindoctors, teachers or experts in general) will attempt to define those feelings for you. So read, as always, with discrimination and see what rings true for you.

Feelings and Emotions

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Feelings and emotions in your dreams

Fear and anxiety are the most commonly expressed emotions in dreams. Anger ranks next. Fear, anger, and sadness occur twice as often as pleasant emotions. It is important to note that the feelings we experience in dreams are not symbols of something else but are reflections of our real feelings. Such feelings may not have been repressed during the day and as a result are coming out in your dreams.


Abhorrence
To dream that you abhor a person, denotes a strange dislike for some person, and your suspicions of his integrity and honesty will prove correct. Difficult times are also ahead for you in the near future.
To dream that you are being abhorred by others, symbolizes that your good intentions to others will subside into selfishness.

Afraid
To dream that you are afraid to continue on some situation, signifies trouble in the home and failure in business.
To see others afraid in your dream, signifies that some friend will be too wrapped up in his or her own problems then to help you out with some favor.

Aggression
To dream that you exhibit aggression in your dream, denotes repressed sexual needs. It is also a reflection of conflict in your waking life.

Amorous
To dream that you are amorous, denotes that your personal desires and illicit pleasures may land you into trouble. You will find yourself engulfed in scandal.
To dream that others are amorous, signifies that others will try to persuade you into illicit pleasures and abandon your own sense of morality.
To see animals amorous in your dream, signifies that you will engage in degrading pleasures will fast men or women.

Anger
To dream that you are feeling much anger, forewarns that you will be involved in a terrible and tense situation. Your loved ones will let your down and disappoint you. It also forewarns that once solid ties will be broken. Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. In your dream, you may have a safe outlet to express such emotions. You may have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.
To dream that others are angry with you. signifies your struggle to regain their lasting favor and friendships.

Animosity
To dream that there is animosity towards you, suggests that you need to reevaluate a situation and rethink your issues of morality.

Annoyed
To feel annoyed in your dream, signifies that rivals are at work against you.

Anxiety
To dream that you are experiencing some anxiety in some affair, is a reflection of what you may be feeling during your waking life. You may have repressed thoughts, unexpressed emotions, resentment, and hostility that are triggering your anxiety dream. This dream also denotes that you are disastrous mixing business with pleasure.

Betrayal
To dream that you have been betrayed, represents your suspicions about a particular person, relationship or situation. This dream often occurs when you are having feelings of insecurity and are faced with major commitments in your life at the same time.

Confusion
To dream that you are confused, may reflect your true confused state of mind and the nonsensical events of your dream. Isolate the single element in your dream that is confusing to you and analyze the meaning of that particular symbol. Alternatively, dreams of confusion signifies that you are being pulled in opposite directions or do not know which viewpoint is right.

Delight
To dream that you are experiencing delight, signifies a favorable and positive turn of events and much pleasantness.

Depression
To feel depressed in your dream, foretells of the coming of bad news.
Despair
To dream that you are in despair, signifies that you will have many hardships and experience much cruelties in the working world.
To dream that others are in despair, denotes that some friend or relative will be in great distress and find themselves in a unhappy situation.

Devotion
To dream that you are showing your devotion to your beliefs, serves as a reminder that nothing will be gained by deceit.

Disapproval
To dream of disapproval, indicates that you are rejecting or ignoring some aspect of yourself. It may also represent your own feelings of self-worth and being accepted.

Distress
To dream that you or others are in distress, suggest that things will turn out better than you expected. You will find that all your worries were for nothing and need to lighten up. Embarrassment
To dream that you are embarrassed, signifies hidden weaknesses and fears. You may feel that your self-confidence has been undermined. This dream also suggests of insecurities about your sexuality.



Emotionless
To dream that you are emotionless, suggests that you are closing yourself off from those around you. You may be neglecting your own feelings and should start paying more attention to them.



Emotions
Emotions expressed in dreams is a way for people to act out their feelings which they would not normally express if they were awake. This provides a "safe" outlet for these emotions instead of letting them be pent up.

Envy
To dream that you are envious of others, signifies that you will make warm friends by your unselfish deference to the wishes of others.
To dream that you are being envied by others, denotes inconveniences from friends who are overanxious to please you.

Fear
To dream that you feel fear, signifies that you achievements will not be as successful as you had anticipated. You are having anxieties in certain circumstances of your life. However, your worries will be temporary and short-lived.
Frustration
To dream that you feel frustrated, represents your difficulty in coping with a situation in your daily life. It may reflect your concerns that your life is not going in the direction you want.

Guilt
To dream that you feel guilty about something, relates to how you are handling your successes and failures or competence and incompetence. You may feel undeserving of your achievements or on the other hand, you may feel that you have let other down. Alternatively, it is also symbolic of repressed and negative feelings that you may have about yourself.

Happy
To dream that you are happy, may be a compensatory dream and is often a dream of the contrary. You may be trying to compensate for the sadness or stress in your waking life. Hunger
To dream that feel hunger, signifies a feeling of unfulfilment. You may be starving for recognition or longing to achieve something that you have desired for awhile.

Jealousy
To dream that you are jealous of another's fortune, signifies misfortune and difficulties in climbing the social ladder.
To dream that you are jealous of another person, signifies that such feelings may be carried over from your waking life This dream may reveal you unconscious feelings of jealousy toward that particular person.
Joy
To dream that you are joyful, denotes harmony amongst friends and loved ones.
Lazy
To dream that you are feeling lazy, signifies that you will make a terrible error in a business deal resulting in bitter disappointments.
To dream that you lover is lazy, signifies that you will have many rocky and insecure love relationships.
Love
To dream of love of being in love, suggests intense feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies happiness and contentment with what you have and where you are in life. On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted.

Malice
To dream that you have malice toward others, signifies that others will look down on you because of your ill temper. You need to control your temper.
To dream that others have malice towards you, denotes a false friend who is working on harming you.

Melancholy
To dream that you are feeling melancholy, signifies disappointment in an event that was assumed to be a success.
To see others melancholy in your dream, signifies unpleasant interruptions in your affairs that need to be tended to immediately.

Merry
To dream that you are merry or in merry company, signifies a time of pleasant engagements and profitable affairs.

Morose
To dream that you are morose, denotes that you pessimistic about the world around you and find that it is going terribly wrong.
To see others morose in your dream, signifies unpleasant situations and disagreeable companions.

Mortification
To dream that you feel mortified over your conduct, signifies that will find yourself in an embarrassing situation before those whom you wish to appear most honorable.

Nausea
To dream that you have nausea, signifies that you are suffering from a sickening situation or condition in which you are trying to rid yourself of.

Numbness
To dream that you feel numbness, signifies illness and unfavorable conditions in your health. Pain
To dream that you are in pain, signifies that you are being too hard on yourself with regards to a situation that was out of your control. It may also be a true reflection of real pain that exists somewhere in your body.

Panic
To dream that you are in a panic, indicates a lack of control and power in your life. You may be feeling helpless in some situation or unable to make a clear decision.

Paranoia
To dream that you are paranoid, indicates your hesitance in moving forward in some situation or relationship. You are not ready for that major step in your life and are overcome with fear and suspicion.

Peace
To feel peace in your dream, indicates an end or a resolution to an emotional issue or inner conflict. It may signal and end of a cycle and the pause before the beginning of a new endeavor. It also suggest that you have reached a new level of stability and calmness. Alternatively, the maddening quietness may refer to the calm before the storm.

Pride
To dream that you have pride, denotes that you will have to stand up and fight against attacks to your integrity. You will be challenged.
To dream that others are displaying pride, signifies that you will soon be invited to be part of a project or accepted into a group.
Rage
To dream that you are in rage, signifies that your bad temper and negative outbursts may lead to loss of friends.
To see others in rage in your dream, signifies an ill turn in your business and social affairs.
To dream that your lover is in rage, denotes an unharmonious relationship stemming from doubts and misunderstandings.
Rejection
To dream that you are rejecting something, indicates that there are feelings or situations that you want to be rid of. Alternatively, you may be refusing to accept a situation that is being imposed and forced upon you.
To dream that you are being rejected, signifies a lack of self-worth and alienation of others.
Sad
To dream that you are sad, signifies a positive turn of events. It is generally a good dream foretelling good things are about to happen in your near future.

Suffocation
To dream that you feel suffocated, signifies that you are feeling smothered by some situation or relationship. It also forewarns that your current love relationship will end in an extremely bitter break up.

Temptation
To dream of temptations, signifies that an envious person will try to turn your friends against you and cause you much problems.

Terror
To dream that you are in terror, forewarns of disappointments and loss.
To see others in terror in your dream, signifies that the unhappiness of friends will impact you as well.
Tipsy
To dream that you are tipsy, signifies your carefree nature and jovial disposition.
To see others tipsy in your dream, denotes that you need to be careful in who you associate yourself with. Their actions may reflect on your own character.

Warmth
To feel warmth in your dream, signifies contentment and satisfaction in your accomplishments. It also symbolizes hope and unconditional love.

Yearn
To dream that you are being yearned for, indicates that you will soon be greeted with a proposal for marriage.
To dream that you yearn for someone, foretells that you will find joy and contentment with your present love.

Attention! I might distract your attention.

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River of Emotions